An Advent Reflection . . . Marriage And Parenthood Are The Toughest Vocations
By REY FLORES
A few months ago, I had a brief conversation with a 28-year-old man about his plans and what he looked forward to in life. He said he was still trying to figure things out, but added that while marriage might one day be a possibility, children were absolutely out of the question.
He reminded me of myself when I was his age. I too had said many times that I had no intention of bringing children into such a terrible world with so much conflict and suffering.
At that time, I was still writing original songs, playing in my rock & roll band, and truly believing that we were going to “make it” and become famous rock stars. Today I still believe that many of the songs I composed are better than most of the junk I’ve heard on the Top 40 radio for the last 20 years, but I digress.
Anyway, at 33 years old, I finally did get married, and not long after my wife delivered our first child. I never became that rock star I had wanted to be ever since I was six years old, but God had given me a whole new set of responsibilities to adhere to.
When my wife and I first met, I couldn’t stand being apart from her. I was in love and every time I saw her I’d fall in love all over again with her. She was smart, beautiful, and still is, and she wanted to have babies as much as I did.
I had fallen for a few women before in my day, but now I was 33 years old and I was feeling that desire to find a wife and settle down. I was tired of the dating scene and my less-than-virtuous lifestyle.
Mary was the woman God put in my path for me to love and cherish and behold the rest of my days.
As beautiful as all that sounds, sometimes marriage is a challenge. As we grow older, life sometimes takes turns we did not expect, or we make some poor decisions which affect us, our spouses, and our children negatively for the long haul.
There are also the good times that we share with our loved ones when it seems that all is well with the world, but those days and times become mired in the mundane chores and drudgery of our daily lives.
There are bills to pay, then there are more bills to pay; sporadic incidences of unemployment, which I can assure you can literally shatter a man’s self-confidence, and then there are the arguments over petty things that matter not in the big picture, but are often bearers of unkind behavior and words which cause pain and resentment for a long time.
One can say that as people, we are the walking wounded. While we may try, or not, to do our best to get along not only with our loved ones, but also with our co-workers, neighbors, friends, and just about anyone else — sometimes it’s just too much to step outside of our own self-centeredness to care about anyone but ourselves.
It is important, however, that we do almost force ourselves to think of others before we think about ourselves and our own needs. It’s much easier to say than to do, and we’ve all heard where good intentions can lead us if we do not convert those intentions into action.
Our loved ones are only here for a limited time. We cannot take them or the time God has given us with them for granted. Every good word or deed is recorded. Every bad or hurtful word or action is also recorded. We are all in much need of love and understanding, but sometimes it is too much to bear.
But, as I said, we must, and we must do it with all of the good in our hearts. We must because that is what Christ has taught us and commanded us to do. We must because Christ died on the cross for us because He loves us. All He is asking of us is to love one another as He loves us.
Rather than existing in a tangled-up mess of regret, ask for His forgiveness, and if we must, ask for the forgiveness of others if we have done them wrong. Most important, we must also learn to forgive ourselves.
How many times have we heard that we can be our own worst enemy? This is true and this is also arrogant and an insult to God. Who are we to know better than He that our sins and transgressions are indeed forgivable by Him, the Almighty?
Who are we to decide that we are unforgivable, irredeemable, not worthy of a second, third, or even a 99th chance? We are nothing without Him, and if He says we are loved, forgiven, and absolved, then that is all we can ever ask and hope for.
These people whom God has surrounded you with are God Himself. Each one of us made in His image and likeness. Every time we interact with another person, we are interacting with God. He is right there, every hour, every minute, every second of the day with us.
When our spouse may irritate us or nag us about something, perhaps it is because we have neglected to contribute to our marriage or our home, or any responsibility associated with either. Remember that it is God tapping our shoulder through these wonderful people around us. Do what is right and love your spouse as God loves us.
When you’ve had a hard day and your little boys or teenage daughters are further irritating you with their bad behavior, instead of raising your voice or hands, take a moment to look, assess, and see Jesus Christ in every single one of them. Perhaps their acting out is simply the only way they can say, “Dad, please help me,” or “Dad, please spend some time with me.”
Spend that time with your kids. Before you know it they’ll be grown and gone and you won’t have them around to ignore anymore.
As an aside — please turn off your computers, get off social media, and above all put your phones down. One day you’ll look up from them and the kids, and maybe even your spouse, may be gone. Life is too short to waste on these digital gadgets which I swear sometimes are an invention of the Devil.
Moments in life are fleeting and we may not live to see another day with our loved ones, either because the Lord will call us home, or may call one of our loved ones home sooner than we ever imagined. Waste not those whom God has given us and blessed us with.
I write all this in hopes that I may be able to help you understand the value, beauty, and meaning of marriage and family. I also write it to kick myself in my own rear end to remind myself to love my wife and children more than I love myself.
Take this Advent time to grow closer to each other as we all await the coming of our Savior Jesus Christ.
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(Rey Flores is a Catholic writer and speaker. Contact Rey at reyfloresusa@gmail.com.)
