By REY FLORES
“Charity is patient, is kind: charity envieth not, dealeth not perversely; is not puffed up; is not ambitious, seeketh not her own, is not provoked to anger, thinketh no evil” — First Epistle of St. Paul to the Corinthians, chapter 13:5-6.
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The above Scripture quotation is more commonly known by its modern “love is patient, love is kind” updated translation; but what is love, but charity? Charity is a benevolent goodwill toward or love of humanity.
While traditional marriage is under fire against “gay marriage,” the real enemies of marriage can be the husband and wife themselves.
I have never bought into the idea that a husband and wife must be “friends.” Friends are people you have a beer with, go to the ballgame with, or get together on the porch with to jam out a few tunes on a couple of acoustic guitars. A wife is so much more than just a friend.
I do not mean to imply that a husband and wife cannot be friendly with each other. Scripture tells us to be kind, patient, and selfless. If those virtues don’t qualify as friendly, I don’t know which ones would.
My own wife Mary disagrees with me on this. She believes that husband and wife should be friends. I do not see it that way. A spouse is to be held in much higher regard than just a mere friend. A spouse is our better half indeed; it is the way God tells us He loves us.
Much in the same way that a child doesn’t need his parent to be his friend, a husband or wife does not need another friend in his or her spouse. A child needs his mother and his father; there are plenty of friends for a child to make acquaintance with, if not with their own brothers and sisters.
Friends come and go, but a spouse is forever, or at least it is meant to be that way. It’s too bad that those pesky predatory creatures known as divorce lawyers seem to also be forever in our society.
A wife is someone who complements her husband in ways that a friend never could. She is his bride, his confidante, his bosom to rest on when he’s weary and he is her shoulder to lean on when she tires.
A wife is a lover with whom a man consummates his marriage with and shares that intimacy only with her and with our God who made this so. A wife shares her body and her soul with her husband when they share those blessed moments of lovemaking, open to the creation of new life, made in the image and likeness of our Creator. There is nothing more potent or sacred than the lovemaking between a husband and wife as they both take part in God’s perfect design to bring more of His children into this world.
Friends may be the people we see at church or our neighbors or co-workers. These are the persons we can connect with on a much less personal level, and that is a good thing. The deeper parts of our being, body and soul, are reserved for our spouses.
While marriage may be a trivial thing in our society today, it should never be a trivial thing within your own marriage. For those of us men who have been blessed to be married, there is no nobler a role you will ever play than to be a good husband to your wives, and wives to be good wives to their husbands.
For anyone reading this who is not married, but hopes to be married one day, the best piece of advice I can share with you is that the less dating you do, the much better off you will be. This is probably the best gift you can give your future spouse, because when God puts that right person in your life, there will be that much more of your purity, innocence, energy, love, and excitement that you will bring into your marriage.
The love between a man and a woman is magical, especially if that love is tempered, patient, and selfless. The magic happens when God says so and that is when the priest pronounces you man and wife, and the matrimonial agreement is between you, your spouse, and God. There’s no turning back because this is supposed to be forever.
Having bought into the lies of modern society and despite being born into the Church and baptized Catholic, my formation was almost nonexistent and this led me to have given myself away in both body and soul. If I have one regret it is that I did not save myself as much as possible for marriage, because by the time God put my wife in my life, there was that much less of me to share with her exclusively.
This is why I say that a spouse should never be considered merely a friend, because friends come and go. A spouse is forever, until death do us part from this world, and then into eternal Heaven I hope, if we remain true to God and His Commandments.
Having too many girlfriends and boyfriends is not a good thing for a single person seeking a vocation as a husband or wife someday. These relationships can be detrimental to your future happiness and ability to bring happiness to your future spouse.
If you are married, make it a goal to cherish your marriage every single moment that you are with your spouse and otherwise. When you are not together, pray for them that they are safe and that they will one day make it to Heaven. That is your job as a spouse; to get each other to Heaven. Bringing her some flowers or some candy once in a while doesn’t hurt either.
If you are widowed, pray for your husband’s or your wife’s soul. Pray that they are either in Heaven or on their way there in Purgatory. Pray to God for the fortitude to carry on those things the both of you planned when you were first married. I pray also that you will be together again one day sharing in God’s glorious presence.
St. Joseph, I ask that you please guide us men to make our wives more than our friends, but to help us to make them saints.
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(Rey Flores is a Catholic writer and speaker. Contact Rey at reyfloresusa@gmail.com.)
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