By JAMES MONTI
For several centuries there was on the liturgical calendars of several religious orders a feast day that few know of today — Desponsatio beatae Mariae Virginis — the Espousal of the Blessed Virgin Mary, a celebration of the marriage of Our Lady to St. Joseph.
Although the Sacred Scriptures recount scarcely more than the essentials regarding this marriage, centuries of reflection on the part of the Church’s saints, pastors, and theologians have opened a vista upon this perfect union of two hearts, a union both virginal and truly nuptial.
In his 1904 book The Mirror of True Manhood, a collection of meditations upon the life of St. Joseph, Fr. John Mullany (1853-1916) describes the marriage of Mary and Joseph as “the most beautiful spectacle of holiness ever witnessed upon earth” (The Mirror of True Manhood, New York, Pustet, 1904, p. 15).
Noting how both the Old and New Testaments begin with a marriage, Blessed Pope Paul VI observes that while in their marriage Adam and Eve were “the source of evil” in precipitating the fall of man, “Joseph and Mary are the summit from which holiness spreads all over the earth. The Savior began the work of salvation by this virginal and holy union, wherein is manifested his all-powerful will to purify and sanctify the family” (Discourse, May 4, 1970, n. 7, as quoted in Pope St. John Paul II, Redemptoris custos, August 15, 1989, n. 7 — Libreria Editrice Vaticana online text.)
In his 1889 encyclical on St. Joseph, Quamquam pluries, Pope Leo XIII (1878-1903) explains the purposes of this most holy marriage and the glory of St. Joseph as the ideal husband of the most perfect bride the world has ever known:
“But as Joseph has been united to the Blessed Virgin by the ties of marriage, it may not be doubted that he approached nearer than any to the eminent dignity by which the Mother of God surpasses so nobly all created natures. For marriage is the most intimate of all unions which from its essence imparts a community of gifts between those that by it are joined together. Thus in giving Joseph the Blessed Virgin as spouse, God appointed him to be not only her life’s companion, the witness of her maidenhood, the protector of her honour, but also, by virtue of the conjugal tie, a participator in her sublime dignity” (Quamquam plures, August 15, 1889, n. 3 — Libreria Editrice Vaticana online text).
The Church teaches that the essence of matrimony is not engagement in conjugal relations but rather the man and woman’s mutual consent to the marriage, their consent to live in an indissoluble union, “by their hearts united” as St. Augustine puts it (Sermon 51, chapter 13, n. 21, PL 38, col. 345). This indeed is why when we attend a Catholic rite of matrimony we are witnessing the actual moment when a couple’s marriage truly begins, the moment when they express their mutual consent to become husband and wife.
Thus even though our Lady and St. Joseph lived their entire marriage in perpetual virginity, this in no way diminishes the full reality of their marriage. Theirs was a union in “affection of the mind,” “a union of souls, which is more loving than bodily union” (St. Augustine, Against Faustus, book 23, chapter 8, PL 42, cols. 470-471).
We see somewhat of a parallel to this, albeit imperfect, in classic works of literature wherein “romance” is typically depicted not in terms of the pursuit of carnal desires but rather as a man and a woman coming to admire each other’s virtues, discovering their shared aspirations and giving each other spiritual and emotional support.
Explaining that the marriage of our Lady and St. Joseph was a real marriage, their two souls joined in an “indissoluble bond” by their exchange of consent, the Discalced Carmelite Fr. Jeronimo Gracian (1545-1614), in his 1597 work Summary of the Excellencies of St. Joseph, observes that just as God provided Adam with “a suitable partner” (Gen. 2:20) in giving him Eve, so too Mary and Joseph were “kindred spirits” perfectly suited to each other (book 1, chapter 1, p. 93).
And they truly loved each other as husband and wife, albeit in an entirely virginal manner: “. . . the love of Mary and Joseph is greater and better than that of all other husbands and wives” (text in Just Man, Husband of Mary, Guardian of Christ: An Anthology of Readings from Jeronimo Gracian’s Summary of the Excellencies of St. Joseph (1597), ed./trans. Joseph Chorpenning, OSFS, Philadelphia, St. Joseph’s University Press, 1993, book 1, chapter 4, p. 122).
Speaking from her mystical experiences of our Lady, St. Teresa of Avila (1515-1582) tells of the Blessed Virgin being delighted by her devotion to St. Joseph (Autobiography, chapter 33). There can be no doubt that, as Fr. Gracian says, “No husband in the world has been nor ever will be more loved by his wife than Joseph was loved by Mary” (Gracian, book 1, chapter 4, p. 121).
Although we are unable to say when and how our Lady and St. Joseph first came to know of each other, nor can we say whether there is any truth in the apocryphal accounts of how their marriage came about, Pope St. John Paul II (1978-2005) in his 1989 apostolic exhortation Redemptoris Custos beautifully expresses this intersection of their two lives in the context of describing Mary’s life as a “pilgrimage of faith”:
“Now at the beginning of this pilgrimage, the faith of Mary meets the faith of Joseph” (Redemptoris Custos, n. 4 — Libreria Editrice Vaticana online text). In this one can see an apt way to describe every Catholic marriage — the faith of a Catholic man meeting the faith of a Catholic woman to embark upon a mutual pilgrimage of faith in a shared vocation.
In the annals of the saints we read of spiritual friendships whereby two devout souls encourage each other in the pursuit of perfection. There is no finer example of this than the marital union of Mary and Joseph.
As Fr. Mullany observes, “The soul of Joseph became more and more like to that of Mary….Is it not sufficient to consider them as two seraphim endeavoring to excite each other to more ardent love?” (Mullany, The Mirror of True Manhood, p. 20).
Citing the observation of another author who speaks of the need of the devout soul to find a like-minded friend with whom to share his or her sacred aspirations and the secrets of the interior life, Fr. Gracian explains that this was Joseph’s “primary ministry” to our Lady:
“She asked him to help her give thanks for the many graces she received; she conferred with him about her most sublime thoughts and desires, and together they would glorify God” (Gracian, book 1, chapter 4, p. 123).
Commenting upon St. Matthew’s account of the message of the angel to St. Joseph that put an end to his fears regarding the miraculous virginal pregnancy of our Lady, Pope St. John Paul II describes with great insight this moment as a rebirth of Joseph’s love for Mary, a rebirth wrought by the Holy Spirit, whose role in the Incarnation had now been revealed to him by the angel:
“This ‘just’ man, who, in the spirit of the noblest traditions of the Chosen People, loved the Virgin of Nazareth and was bound to her by a husband’s love, was once again called by God to this love. . . . Are we not to think that the love of God which has been poured forth into the human heart through the Holy Spirit (cf. Romans 5:5) molds every human love to perfection?
“This love of God also molds — in a completely unique way — the love of husband and wife, deepening within it everything of human worth and beauty, everything that bespeaks an exclusive gift of self…this love proved to be greater than this ‘just man’ could ever have expected within the limits of his human heart” (Redemptoris Custos, n. 19 — Libreria Editrice Vaticana online text).
Although St. Joseph’s “crisis” of discerning the will of God regarding our Lady came after he was already married to her by Jewish law, it seems nonetheless quite fitting that in view of this decisive episode in his life, he may be seen as a patron saint of those contemplating a decision of whether and when to marry.
For a young man discerning the questions, “Is God calling me to the state of matrimony?”, “Is this the particular girl that God wants me to marry?”, “When and how should I ask for her hand in marriage?”, “Will she say yes if I ask her?” etc., St. Joseph would make an ideal intercessor. The angel’s calming words to him, “Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary your wife” (Matt. 1:20-21), stand as a reassurance that in one way or another our Lord will answer such questions in good time in a manner that will ultimately bring peace.
Add This Feast
It was the French theologian Jean Gerson (1363-1429) who in 1413 first proposed the idea of a feast celebrating the Espousal of Our Lady to St. Joseph. Subsequently the Franciscans, the Dominicans, the Carmelites, and the Servites added this feast to their calendars. Among the Carmelites this feast was celebrated on January 23, with Office readings from the Song of Songs, St. Bernard’s homily on the Espousal of Our Lady, and the following antiphon:
“Arising from his sleep, Joseph did just as the angel of the Lord commanded, and received his wife” (Breviarium Ordinis Fratrum Beatae Dei Genetricis, Semperque Virginis Mariae de Monte Carmelo: Pars Hiemalis, Antwerp, 1755, p. 533).
In view of all the threats to marriage and family life in our own time and the pressing need to provide spiritual support to married couples, as well as the imperative of reaffirming without ambiguity or compromise the sacredness and indissolubility of matrimony, might we suggest that it would be opportune to add such a feast of the marriage of Mary and Joseph to the universal calendar of the Church?
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