By DONALD DeMARCO
The relentless diet of bad news that the media bring to our attention on a daily basis can be most distressing. And, as we know only too well, the bad news does not exclude the Catholic Church.
It is not irreverent to reach for a flagon of mirth as an antidote, if only a temporary one, against the tsunami of bad news that has been so wearisome.
We can say this with confidence since Christ Himself was not without a sense of humor. He referred to Peter, who betrayed Him three times, as the “rock” on which He would build His Church. He must have smiled at Nicodemus who thought being born again required returning to his mother’s womb. It is easy to imagine the laughter children provoked when they sat on His knee, pulled at His beard, and behaved in accordance with their mischievous nature. Archbishop Fulton Sheen has discoursed extensively on the “Divine Sense of Humor.”
If laughter is not our best medicine, it certainly is an effective one. Moreover, it does not require a prescription, does not taste “awful,” and is free of cost.
Robert Frost’s remark, “If we couldn’t laugh we would all go insane,” is a sobering thought.
Nova Scotian humorist Thomas C. Haliburton was wise in telling us that “we need all the counterweights we can muster to balance the sad relations in life. God has made sunny spots in the heart; why should we exclude the light from them?”
Personally, I prefer humor that is unintentional. Hilaire Belloc’s famous bon mot, “When I am dead I hope it may be said, ‘His sins were scarlet but his books were read’,” is clever, but too crafted to be hilarious.
A master of unintentional hilarity is Jerry Coleman, longtime broadcaster for the San Diego Padres. No one else could describe chasing a fly ball in a way that conjured up the image of how King Henry VIII treated two of his wives: “Winfield hits his head against the wall and it’s rolling toward the infield!”
Other malaprops of his that are worthy of attention are as follows: “He slides into second base with a stand-up double.” “Grubb goes back, back….He’s under the warning track and makes the play.” “At the end of six innings of play, it’s Montreal 5, Expos 3” (the first time a team was ever both leading and trailing itself in the same game). “That’s Hendrick’s nineteenth home run. One more and he reaches double figures.” “Davis fouls out to third in fair territory.”
Fans, however, were far more delighted by Coleman’s inadvertent slips than they were critical of his faulty grammar. Coleman became a legend. He was the Yogi Berra on the air.
In the realm of unintentional humor, my prize goes to struggling student essayists who use pieces of jigsaw puzzles to form incoherent, but comical images. We owe a sizable debt of gratitude to history professor Richard Lederer who has spent a good deal of his career in collecting hilarious student malaprops.
What follows is but a brief sample from his sizable treasure. “William Tell shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son’s head.” A dramatic Swiss legend, an opera by Rossini, and the most memorable musical tag for a radio series (The Lone Ranger) is thereby converted into a father-son acrobatic team and a novel way to produce apple juice.
“Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.” The Guinness Book of Records would have been pleased to record the world’s youngest mother and history’s youngest carpenter. “[Benjamin] Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.” Apparently it is important to distinguish everyone who passes away as not being Lazarus. “Bach died from 1759 to the present.” This gives the notion of a “lingering death” a new meaning. “Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for it.” Ian Fleming was right, “You only die twice.”
“One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English putting tacks in their tea.” This would also cause a Gastronomic War and acute indigestion. Here we have a fresh interpretation of why the colonists decided to fight for their independence. “Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.” Small wonder why so many people find the moral law hard to swallow. “The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by camelot.” They were the first people, despite being mummies, to sample the cuisine of Sarah Lee and traveled by camel a lot.
“Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton.” And not a moment too soon since so many people were flying off the planet. “Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis.” And he was immediately charged with anti-Semitism. “Henry VIII found walking difficult because he has an abbess on his knee.” No doubt this helps to explain why he lost five of his six wives. “Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.” Previously, we suppose, they were required by law to wear long-sleeve gloves.
“I love people who make me laugh,” stated Audrey Hepburn. “I honestly think it’s the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It’s probably the most important thing in a person.”
In The Merchant of Venice, the bard remarks: “With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.” We can add, “With laughter, let the bad news come, it won’t knock us off our feet.”
There is time for seriousness, to be sure. But we should not ignore the “sunny spots in our heart.” Laughter is both human as well as divine.
(Dr. Donald DeMarco is a professor emeritus at St. Jerome’s University, and an adjunct professor at Holy Apostles College & Seminary. He is a regular columnist for the St. Austin Review. His latest books, How to Navigate Through Life and Apostles of the Culture of Life, are posted on amazon.com.)
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