A Beacon Of Light… Marriage — The Sacrament Of Service To Each Other

• 2 years ago

By FR. RICHARD D. BRETON JR.

(Editor’s Note: Fr. Richard D. Breton Jr. is a priest of the Diocese of Norwich, Conn. He received his BA in religious studies and his MA in dogmatic theology from Holy Apostles College and Seminary in Cromwell, Conn.)

• + + There are two sacraments devoted to service. The Sacraments of Marriage and Holy Orders are ordered toward the service of others. Today we will discuss the Sacrament of Marriage.
  
  The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines marriage as: “The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament.”
  
  Marriage is a special sacrament where a man and a woman are united to each other forever. In marriage, man and wife confer the sacrament upon each other by professing vows. The wedding ceremony can be performed either within Mass, or, outside of Mass. Whichever ceremony is celebrated, both follow the same form.
  
  Within the ceremony there is a certain order necessary to follow. First is the Liturgy of the Word. The Liturgy of the Word allows the couple to listen to the word of God. The readings prescribed explain the importance of a sacred bond. Thus, this enables the couple to reflect upon the great gift that marriage is. This is followed by the homily in which the priest explains and reminds them of the importance of the sacrament they are about to receive.
  
  Second, through a series of questions, the couple offer their consent to willingly enter the sacrament with mutual love and fidelity.
  
  Third, they profess their vows to each other. This is the most important moment, because this is the moment the sacrament is conferred upon the couple. This is what they vow: I, (name), take you, (name), to be my wife/husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.
  
  Fourth, is the blessing and exchange of rings. The couple offer their wedding rings, a sign of their love and fidelity, and present them to each other. The rings are a visible sign of their love to each other.

St. Augustine

For the Sacrament of Marriage to be valid, there are three requirements, or bona, necessary for a marriage to be a sacrament. St. Augustine discusses this in his treatise, De Bono Coniugali, On the Good of Marriage.

The first is bonum sacramenti, or permanence. Marriage is forever! Marriage is a sacrament instituted by Christ. It is a lifelong commitment in which a man and a woman unite themselves totally to each other. This includes the good times and the bad, in sickness and health, in sadness and joys until death.

The total commitment necessary in married life is currently under attack. Society teaches the opposite. Society says you can leave whenever you are want! When marriage gets difficult, most couples do not know how to fix the difficulties. Married life includes sacrifice. Today’s society no longer teaches one to sacrifice. Sacrifice in marriage involves giving up of oneself for the other.

The second bona of the Sacrament of Marriage is fidelity, or the bonum fidei. The bonum fidei is the exclusivity of one man and one woman to each other. Today’s society is suspicious of commitment. Because of this suspicion, couples have difficulty making lifelong commitments. We all want to be loved by someone, and to love someone in return. So often in today’s marriages, there is a disconnect in true and lasting love. When one of the spouses is suspicious of lasting love and is not totally committed to the other, then that spouse relegates themselves to total isolation and loneliness. Marriage has no part of this.

Jesus reminds us that we must have “total love,” love that goes beyond the things of earthly life. “Thou shall love thy spouse with all thy heart and shall cleave unto them and no other.” Fully committed love goes beyond personal preference in married life. The Sacrament of Marriage is a sacrament of sacrifice. Both man and woman are called to this sacrificial kind of life.

When I celebrate the Sacrament of Marriage, I always remind the couple that marriage is not more for one or the other. They share in this sacrament together fully giving and receiving from each other. In marriage man and woman sacrifice a lot for each other. Recently, I had the privilege of celebrating the 75th anniversary of a couple in my parish. In my remarks to them I asked them how they have survived 75 years. Their answer was simple: through constant sacrifice and by allowing Jesus to be part of their marriage.

The third bonum of marriage is, bonum prolis, or, for the good of offspring. In Baptism we receive the theological virtues of faith, hope, and love. The virtue of love is a gift from God meant to be shared. In marriage this gift of love is made manifest through the conjugal act.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church, n. 2366, reminds us of this: “A child does not come from outside as something added on to the mutual love of the spouses, but springs from the very heart of that mutual giving, as its fruit and fulfillment.”

Having received the gift of children, married couples then take on added responsibility. Parents are now responsible for the education of their children. They are the first teachers of the faith. By their example they contribute to the moral, spiritual, and supernatural formation of their children.

A Divorce-Free City

Today the Sacrament of Marriage has many challenges. Society has stretched and mutated this sacrament and its gifts. This is evident in the high divorce rate of today. From civil unions and same-sex unions we are fighting a battle with the Evil One, who continually degrades the sanctity of the Sacrament of Marriage. The family is one of the institutions most affected by the crisis in our times. Religious and moral sentiments have practically disappeared as if torn to bits.

The divorce rate is overwhelming — an estimated 50 percent of marriages fall apart. Added to this, there are illicit unions, which are common and seemingly without consequences.

When the three bona of marriage are not present, then the marriage begins to deteriorate and it eventually dies. This can be changed. We can reverse the course society has taken and return the Sacrament of Marriage to its original holiness.

How do we accomplish this? We follow the example of the only divorce-free city in the world!

That is why it does so much good to hear — lo and behold! — that despite the malice of the times, there is a city in this world that has not surrendered to universal depravity and in which family bonds are so strong that there is no record of divorce.

This privileged city is Siroki-Brijeg. Located in Bosnia, its approximately 26,000 inhabitants of Croatian origin have always been ready to defend their Catholic faith even in the face of the worst adversities. This is what happened during the Muslim invasion centuries ago. Then, the country fell under the boot of atheistic Communism when the faith was tested in every possible way. What is the explanation for such a remarkable fact?

First, the population of this city is almost 100 percent Catholic, and they live their faith very seriously. They consider it an honor to defend marriage and the monogamous family formed by the union of a man and a woman. However, what marks this profoundly religious attitude is that they see marriage as a cross united to Christ. This leads spouses to face their union without romanticism, false expectations, or illusions. There is no mutual understanding without a mutual exercise of patience.

This Catholic view of marriage is what prevents the incidence of divorce and separations. However, this attitude finds physical expression in a custom.

During their married life, the spouses find strength by praying together before the crucifix they hold together during the Sacrament of Marriage.

In this ceremony, the priest blesses the crucifix presented by the bride and groom. He places the bride’s right hand upon the crucifix, then that of the groom upon hers, and covers them with his priestly stole. The couple then make their vows with their hands clasping the crucifix. The priest tells them they have found the ideal “partner” with whom they must share their lives with the following words: “You have found your cross! It is a cross that you must love and take with you every day of your lives. Know how to appreciate it.”

After kissing the cross, the spouses enthrone it in a place of honor in their homes, showing their profound belief that a family must be born of the cross.

When trials, misunderstandings, disagreements, and difficulties common to all marriages arise, both spouses kneel before the crucifix and with unwavering faith ask for strength to endure them, for our Lord’s yoke “is easy, and His burden, light.”

In closing I pray for all married couples and those seeking a holy married life. May the Lord always be part of your married life! May the daily struggles you endure be united to the cross of Christ!

Next week we will discuss the Sacrament of Holy Orders.