A Beacon Of Light . . . The Fourth Commandment And Our Relationships With Others

• 2 years ago

By FR. RICHARD D. BRETON

(Editor’s Note: Fr. Richard D. Breton is a priest of the Diocese of Norwich, Conn. He received his BA in religious studies and his MA in dogmatic theology from Holy Apostles College and Seminary in Cromwell, Conn.)

• + + Today we will transition from the first three Commandments that relate directly to God. Our focus will be on our relationships with our neighbors. By making this transition, we must keep in mind the basis of the three previous Commandments pertaining to God. They are the foundation as we move forward. First, we must know how to love the Lord Our God. Then, we can focus on loving others.
  
  The transition begins with the Fourth Commandment which is: “Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother.” All of us have a father and a mother. In the divine plan of salvation, God willed the procreation of human beings would involve man and woman. Through this most sacred action, husband and wife participate in the very action of creation. This action is the motivation behind living the Fourth Commandment and calls us to respect and show reverence to our parents.
  
  How do honoring our father and our mother relate to this Commandment?
  
  At the moment of our birth, our parents take on a special responsibility to care for the life God has entrusted to them. From a very early age, we are provided with food, clothing, and a place to live. Throughout our lives, parents try their best to provide for their children. Sometimes this may be difficult and sometimes seems impossible. Often times, parents forget that they are not alone in bringing up their children. God is there to assist them in their duty.
  
  I am reminded of all the times my parents drove me to events and participated in my life. My parents also had to discipline me at times, like all parents do. I know I was not a perfect child — just ask my mother! My parents taught me the lessons I needed to succeed in life.

Care For Our Parents

In the same way, when our parents become aged, we must provide and care for them in the same way. Children are responsible for the care and well-being of their aging parents. Sadly, this is often a struggle. I remember a woman who was in a nursing home and was never visited by her children. When the woman got old her children sold her house and put her in a nursing home. Her children never were part of her life as she journeyed toward death. The children didn’t even attend the funeral. This is a violation of the Fourth Commandment.

Children are a gift from God and children enhance the life of husband and wife. Ask any married couple about the first moments of their child’s life and you will hear of the joy experienced as they looked upon their gift from God. Sometimes, the cherished moments of new birth are replaced by the challenges of parenting. Today’s society makes parenting even more difficult. We need to pray every day for our parents, and all parents for that matter, to have the strength and courage to raise their children in this confused and demoralized world.

Parents need to be parents! Today’s society has muddled the true role of parenting and replaced it with a “friendship like” model. Today parents want to be a “friend” to their children. While we should always encourage healthy parent-child relationships, these should never diminish the authority the parent has in the life of the child.

This is especially important in today’s world as we struggle with the immorality surrounding the crisis of sexual identity. Parents need to be more to be firm in teaching the correct model of sexuality to our children. The LGBTQ agenda is being forced upon our children. The daily indoctrination of this harmful agenda is promoted in our public-school systems, and sadly, has also crept into even some of our Catholic institutions of education. Children today need a firm hand and a loving heart to guide them.

Sometimes children show serious disrespect for or disobedience to parents, superiors, or authorities. This disobedience is a failure in living the Fourth Commandment. Today’s children are surrounded by a culture that discourages accountability for our actions.

The sacredness of the family is being eroded by society and children no longer have a respect and regard for their parents. Sometimes children will even express wishing death or evil on their parents. This anger or despair is not always properly directed. Society has distorted the very fabric of family life and this distortion causes much confusion in our young people.

When I was in high school my parents decided to become foster parents. They felt a call to be a haven for children needing a loving home. Soon one child turned into six foster children and eventually they were all adopted.

All of my brothers and sisters have felt the consequences of abuse and neglect caused by their birth parents. Some of the consequences of this parental neglect included malnutrition, learning disabilities, delayed physical, mental, and emotional development. Sadly, some of my adopted siblings even endured the evil of sexual abuse by their birth parents. The neglect or abusing of children by parents, or anyone, is a grave evil. Parents have a moral obligation to provide for the safety and well-being of their children.

This includes, but is not limited to, education, clothing, food, and a safe place to live. As we examine the Fourth Commandment, especially in this area, I ask all parents to seriously look at their success or failure in living their responsibility. Parents are the primary educators in the ways of the faith. As primary educators, parents must baptize their children within a reasonable amount of time after Baptism.

Baptism opens the door of faith and establishes an intimate relationship with God. In Baptism parents promise to train their children in the ways of the faith. Failure to baptize their children is a violation of this Commandment.

The Need For Religious Education

Today we have a growing number of parents who do not educate their children in the faith. After Baptism, parents must continue to educate their children. The Church can help in this responsibility by providing Catholic schools. Catholic schools provide the best education for our children. Parents would be assisted in this responsibility by using our Catholic schools.

A Catholic education teaches lifelong lessons. Faith, morality, and love of God are some of the ways children are formed by having the opportunity of a Catholic education. If parents cannot afford a Catholic school, then every parish provides religious education as a way of helping to teach the faith. Besides the Catholic schools and religious education, parents must pray with them and teach them how to pray. The reason that the family is being destroyed in society is because families don’t pray together anymore. Parents fail the Fourth Commandment if they do not educate their children in the faith.

None of us want to think about the death of a parent, but it is part of the human condition. The death of our parents will occur. Sometimes the sadness of grief may cloud our judgment as we mourn a parent. Every deceased person has the right to leave a last will and testament to help carry out their wishes. Sometimes death can cause many feuds among the children left behind.

As children of our parents, we are required to fulfill their dying wishes. Recently, I heard of a situation in which after their mother died, two children were left to settle their mother’s estate. This situation has turned into a battle that will most likely need to be resolved by a court. This situation saddens me because it causes such division among families. This is so common. Failure to carry out the last will of deceased parents is a violation of this Commandment. Sometimes we forget how much our parents do for us in our lives. Even in death we need to “honor thy father and thy mother.”

Another area of this Commandment that is often overlooked is authority. Today we are living in a society of people focused only on me. There is no more respect for authority. We have watched this unfold before our eyes in many of our major cities. Authority is necessary in society to keep a rule of law. There is no need to guess what it would look like with a total disrespect for authority; we are living it now! Failure to respect and obey authority, is a failure of the Fourth Commandment.

We close this week’s column with a prayer to the Holy Spirit: O Holy Spirit come in thy mercy; enlighten my mind and strengthen my will that I may know my sins, humbly confess them, and sincerely amend my life. Amen!