By DEXTER DUGGAN
“I’m sorry, Mary, there’s no room for us in this inn, either, because we don’t have our vaccination passports. The innkeeper demanded to see them. He said we must not be good Jews because the emperor himself — a very devout Jew, as he repeatedly reminds us all — says we are not true to our fathers’ faith if we do not obey whatever he commands.”
“Oh, Joseph, what are we to do? We hardly even had the money to travel here because of the terrible inflation that our emperor has caused, which he claims really was caused by the old deposed emperor, who wasn’t even Jewish himself but had family members who were observant.”
“Even if we wanted the vaccine, Mary, all the camel caravans and ships that would carry it are backed up on the roads and in the harbors because of the emperor’s supply-chain blockades. They say that on the inland sea, you could almost walk all the way to Rome without getting your feet wet, stepping along on the dry decks of so many ships waiting to be unloaded. Our ruler says the old deposed emperor is at fault for this, too, and the proof of this is that the royal sorcerers say so.”
“But, Joseph, how could he place his belief in what’s said by someone idolatrous like a sorcerer, which is clearly forbidden by our faith?”
“Mary, the town criers say the emperor tells us that although he is very devout — indeed, the most devout of anyone in our land — his conscience will not let him impose our faith on others. So he merely is showing his good will by imposing the faith of sorcerers and necromancers and wizards on us all. Of course, he’s always ready to impose his belief in new taxes and other burdens on us, but he says that’s different because that’s not worshipping God, only mammon.”
“That’s right, Joseph. I heard he wants to pay the wizards a huge new salary in his Blame Back Better legislation so they can even go into the schools of the youngsters and teach them the ways of Moloch and Astarte and the pagan beliefs of the Egyptians and Greeks so children will not be bigoted in favor of our own faith and tradition. Indeed, I can imagine the day when his soldiers will come to force our own Child here inside me into these schools of apostasy.”
“I shudder to think of that day. And here’s more bad news, Mary. The innkeeper here also told me that from what he hears from other travelers on our road, all the inns are filled with foreigners who did not obtain the necessary approval to make their journey in our land. And that in fact our emperor is giving them bags of gold to welcome them, and to make sure they can have the best rooms in the inns.”
“While we are left out here on the pavement, Joseph?”
“Mary, you must admit that our people and traditions have regarded themselves as being better than others. Better than infant slaughtering by the moon worshippers, and the sex practices of the Greeks. Our worship of only the One True God is blatantly discriminatory and hateful, considering the other faiths have so many fascinating goddesses and gods that are worthy of our consideration.”
“Joseph, whatever are you talking about, as if these false gods are as good as the Lord of Heaven and Earth?”
“Forgive me, Mary! As I waited in the lobby to speak to the innkeeper, I happened to pick up a few scrolls of the daily news by the Bethlehem Boast and The New Smirk Overheated Climes. They’re full of so many confusing, enticing, misleading tales that it’s almost too much to do to keep your mind clear about what’s real. I should have known better than to have thought that benevolent pagan gods being responsible for tripling the price of fuel for our lamps could make any sense.”
“And don’t forget, Joseph, that the emperor wants to retrofit all the houses to make them less habitable for humans, and we almost had to sell our donkey because he wants everyone to have to use public transportation on caravans or chariots because that’s more ‘earth-friendly,’ whatever that means. I’d say we already have more earth than necessary around us in these sandstorms because our land is so dry — punished by drought, some say, because the Lord Our God is angry with our rulers. I’m worried we’ll get a ticket from centurions on patrol just for having our donkey.”
“Surely you’re right, Mary. Our mighty Lord and God, blessed be His name forever, cannot be pleased when our kings and princes plot for the day when the soldiers will throw newborns into the furnaces to appease the ‘media gods,’ whatever those are. I don’t know what a god like that is, but it seems to have one big eye that people cannot take their gaze off. I’ve heard that their coming among us is in the warnings by our prophets.”
“It’s hard to oppose our emperor, Joseph, when he says he has done so many mighty deeds. He says he architecturally designed and personally built the pyramids and the Parthenon, even though they were there long before he was born. He says he watched our forefather Moses converse with the Burning Bush, and gave Moses notes on what to say, which sounds utterly impossible and sacrilegious, except his priestess the Sybil of Pelosi has commanded that no one be allowed to doubt this.”
“It’s hard to understand how he could hold so much knowledge in his head when he barely can remember his own name or where he is sometimes, Mary.”
“He says that when he went to the Temple in Jerusalem, Joseph, they greeted him with incense and dancing girls and invited him to spend the night in the Holy of Holies, which sounds like the worst kind of paganism, presumption, and insolence. What is to become of our land in times like these?”
“I still have a strong feeling, though, just as you have said, Mary, that better times are coming. They have to be. Oh, hear that? The innkeeper is calling out that he has found a spot for us in his stable, just as long as we don’t mention to anyone that the ship with our vaccines has not been able to get into the harbor yet.”
“Oh, Joseph, look up! What a beautiful star in the sky!”
Powered by WPtouch Mobile Suite for WordPress