By JAMES K. FITZPATRICK
What should Catholic high school teachers and Catholic parents do when the topic of same-sex marriage comes up? Like it or not, more and more states are moving toward making these unions legal. The message is a powerful one: If the law, our judges, our politicians, civic leaders, and most prominent celebrities all tell us that it is permissible for people of the same sex to marry, how do we make the case that our Christian understanding of marriage as a bond between one man and one woman is correct, and not something society needs to overcome, like the sexist and racist views once commonplace in American society?
The answer depends upon the way the issue comes up. In those instances where the law is used to coerce Catholics and other Christians into behaving in a manner that they are convinced is immoral, there is little room for compromise. It would be wrong for teachers and parents to advise a live-and-let-live reaction to public policies that require Christians to actively cooperate in acts that they are convinced are sinful. A recent example would be the demand by the city of Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, that two Christian ministers, Donald and Evelyn Knapp, perform same-sex weddings at their chapel.
The city government of Coeur d’Alene based its decision on a ruling by the Ninth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals that legalized same-sex marriage in Idaho, and also City Ordinance Section 9.56, which bars discrimination in public accommodations on the basis of “sexual orientation.” The city held that the Knapps’ chapel was a public accommodation and thus subject to the law. It made no difference to the authorities that the Knapps were ordained Christian ministers; the city demanded that they perform the marriage, thereby requiring them to behave in a manner that the Knapps believe is immoral.
Catholic teachers and parents should find it easy to make the case that this is an impermissible violation of the First Amendment rights of the Knapps, and any other Christian put into a similar situation. There is no room for a live-and-let-live acquiescence to a demand such as this. We must be militant in our opposition to such policies.
But there is a difference between what the Knapps face in Idaho and a law or government policy that permits members of society to behave in a manner that Catholics believe to be immoral, but does not require Catholics to actively cooperate in the behavior. We have learned to live with situations of that nature. The legalization of no-fault divorce, the open sale of contraceptives and legalized abortion would be examples. Also the manner in which pornography has become freely available over the Internet and on cable television.
Catholic teachers and parents have found a way over the years to make clear to our children that merely because something is legal in the United States does not make it moral; that just because other Americans are able to legally behave in a manner we believe to be immoral, does not make it morally acceptable for us to do the same. The distinction should be clear: forcing the Knapps to perform same-sex marriages in Idaho would require them to behave in a manner they believe to be sinful, to put their souls at risk. A Catholic family living next door to a divorced and remarried couple, on the other hand, does not face that moral dilemma; they would not be required to participate in a sinful act.
That is a big difference, one that we should be able to articulate to our children: Again, everything that is legal is not moral. If the day comes that same-sex marriage is as routine a part of American life as divorce and the sale of contraceptives, it need not require that American Catholic families separate themselves from the mainstream of our societal life in the manner of the Amish. Such a situation would not force us to behave in an immoral manner.
I hope no one is interpreting my words as a call for acquiescence in the battle over same-sex marriage. Catholic groups should continue to make the case for traditional marriage in a vigorous and concerted way, during elections, in the courts, and in the court of public opinion. But, despite all that, we may lose the battle. We need to be prepared if that happens. Our response in that case should be rational and balanced, and not one that leads our children to view the United States as a whole in a hostile and adversarial manner. The kingdom is not of this world.
The legalization of same-sex marriage is deplorable, but it need not lead us into an extremist reaction. If there are those who think it in their family’s best interests to separate themselves from the mainstream of American lives, that choice should be respected. But the legalization of same-sex marriage does not necessitate such a reaction from all Catholics.
I note a column by Cathleen Kaveny in the November 14 issue of Commonweal. She offers several examples of times in our history when American Christians were required to give in on matters of moral principle as the societal consensus changed. She points to the laws that guaranteed women equal property rights in a marriage. Many Christian ministers at the time argued such a change would weaken marriage bonds. Kaveny also notes that many Christian leaders opposed women’s suffrage because it would “disrupt the equilibrium of the sexes” within the family.
Kaveny calls our attention, as well, to the fact that until “the mid-twentieth century, most states had laws against extramarital sex, adultery, and fornication,” as a way of “to reinforce traditional sexual morality.” By the 1960s, however, “many states began decriminalizing these acts, while others left the statutes on the books but did not enforce them.”
It can be argued that the criminalizing of these behaviors reinforced the teaching of Catholic parents and helped hold back permissiveness in society. Fair enough. There are more temptations for Christian young people in our world than in the world of the Hardy Boys and the Archie comics.
But Catholic parents and Catholic institutions were not forced to adopt the looser standards as they evolved. We have been able to continue teaching our children that sexually dissolute lifestyles are not what Jesus expects of us. We have been able to stand firm in our private lives against the legalization of abortion, changing many minds along the way. There is no reason that we should not be able to continue teaching our young people the Catholic understanding of marriage if there is a married same-sex couple living somewhere in the neighborhood — which for most of us is an unlikely prospect.
I disagree with Cathleen Kaveny on many things, but I think she is correct when she writes, “The law isn’t magic. It can’t undo major shifts in culture.”
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Readers are invited to submit comments and questions about this and other educational issues. The e-mail address for First Teachers is fitzpatrijames@sbcglobal.net, and the mailing address is P.O. Box 15, Wallingford CT 06492.
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