By DEXTER DUGGAN
When House Speaker Nancy Pelosi broke California’s onerous liberal rules to get her hair fixed at a salon in her hometown, that’s because, you know, she’s special. It was someone else’s stupid fault that Nancy got misled or that people complained about her, uh, what amounted to white privilege.
Wait a minute, how can something be both liberal and onerous? Aren’t liberals free-spirited and unconstrained? Not when liberal Democrats can say, “’Tis freedom for me, but leg chains for thee, underling.”
Like any good elitist Dem, nothing’s Pelosi’s fault. Crafty Donald Trump must have made her hair grow too much, so she had to visit the salon. Yes, blame Trump. Look how much hair he has, and blow-dried!
Trump must know some secret about how to generate excess hair, and he trapped poor Nancy into needing to have her unruly strands slapped back into shape on August 31.
Nancy said on September 2 that she’d been trapped. Well, she must know a good trap when she sees it, so why did she step into this one? She and her Dem-witted colleagues have spent close to four years trying to snare the blow-dried Trumpster for one fake crime after another, yet he keeps slipping away.
Nancy has her own brand of slipknot, though. It’s called blame the other gal. “So I take responsibility for falling for a setup, and that’s all I’m going to say on that,” saith she.
What wizards are poor Nancy’s foes, and even on her own San Francisco turf. They tricked her into wanting to have her hair fixed — surely some magical brain waves sent out by Trump through his orange cranial jungle are responsible for that — and then she bravely took responsibility for being an innocent lamb.
Next, she’ll take responsibility for deciding to eat breakfast? She’s always being misled into taking a fall for food. Remember last April when an interviewer asked Nancy how much of her diet is ice cream and candy?
“Well,” she replied, “as much as possible. . . . I enjoy it. I like it better than anything else. And I don’t know why but it seems to agree with me. I have a lot of energy. And we just got a big stock, the ice cream, like for Easter Sunday. . . . I don’t know what I would have done if ice cream were not invented.”
By the way, Pelosi must have been feeling really energized in late August when she said Trump and GOP lawmakers are “domestic enemies” and “enemies of the state.” Even though he was a Republican, the late Sen. Joe McCarthy must be having séances with Pelosi to rev her up about questioning people’s loyalties.
We do have to give bad Catholic Pelosi credit for looking pretty trim on a diet of ice cream and candy, and 80 birthdays under her belt. Or maybe she works off some of those calories by running as fast as she can away from her conscience, and all those dead preborn babies perhaps troubling her.
Also have to credit Pelosi for being a livelier speaker than her political party’s cranially challenged and a little younger presidential nominee, Joe Biden, nearly 78 years of age.
Maybe Biden could have learned to handle his words better if he didn’t have so many other people rushing to make excuses for his being a bad Catholic. If you don’t use a muscle, as the saying goes, you lose it.
So crack open a science book, Joe, and see if it helps you to form your ideas better.
Among the marvelous technological developments of recent times — although not every one of them has been marvelous — is ultrasonography. The scientific facts shown about a preborn baby’s development don’t depend on whether her parents are Buddhists or Baptists or blasphemers or Bidens or even Roman Catholics.
The faith required in examining this evidence is faith in science, that thing Democrats say they worship all the time.
Like a defense attorney who doesn’t want the jury to focus on the facts against a very guilty client, the defenders of pro-abortion extremist Biden have a number of blind alleys to lead folks down.
Why, did you know that Biden thinks he shouldn’t, and didn’t, kiss the Pope’s ring? This wonderfully pertinent revelation just leaves those icky baby sonograms in the dust. Did you know he had met with John Paul II when the Pole was still Pope, and not yet saint, back in 1980? Now how can we market this?
Wouldn’t it be marvelous — will wonders never cease? — if it turns out that St. John Paul appears to Biden in visions? Surely that’s more important than worrying about those dismembered baby parts in cold metal trays. After all, the pieces will bring a good price for some hard-working abortionist who could use the money. And Biden is very in favor of working persons, yes?
Those difficulties Biden seems to have sometimes with his eyes, no doubt the result of the luminescence of the saintly visions. Will Biden tell us that St. John Paul has decided to back away from the importance he assigned to opposing abortion? Surely the good saint wouldn’t want to talk to Biden about the souls of torn-up babies now receiving papal comfort?
If you yourself think that dismembering preborn babies is wrong and you certainly don’t like to look upon the result, that’s only because you have all this religion clouding your mind. When Biden met the Pope in 1980, he didn’t let him rub that excessive religion and ring-kissing off on himself, no sir! Biden promotes all the abortion he can and doesn’t lose a moment’s sleep at night.
Hmmm, so why does he look so sleepy during the day?
Did you know Biden likes to wear his tattered brand of Catholicism like a comfy old sweater? But off it comes when it starts to scratch like a hair shirt. After all, the reason for Catholicism is to make you feel comfy in your sins. Unworthiness to receive the Eucharist? What a hair-shirt question! When a soul comes before the throne of God, He’ll only say, I hope you were comfy.
Hey, if you’re looking for blind alleys full of garbage cans, how’s this headline on a swooning story distributed by Religion News Service on August 17: “Joe Biden’s Catholic politics are complicated — but deeply American.” Rationalizing one’s bad-Catholic way toward promoting and taxpayer-funding massive abortion must be real complex, for sure.
The last refuge of a scoundrel: Saying that the depth of Joe’s good Americanism is shown by the extent of his pro-abortion extremism.
Oh, wait a minute here. Americanism is the last thing the Democratic Party’s shock troops rioting in the streets these days are fond of. At the end of August a left-wing mob marched through Oakland, Calif., not Tehran, shouting, “Death to America!”
Of course, if you want death to America, the more abortion the better. Death to the individual babies right now, then death to a declining nation’s future. Hey, old white man Biden, if the anti-America rioters wonder if you’re really on board with them, just assure them that you’re working your hardest for more abortion. And in a complex Catholic way at that.
Ooops, the mob doesn’t like Catholics a bit, though, Joe. You’d better personally tear down a few remaining statues of St. Junipero Serra and whatever other idolatrous images you can find on some day when you have the strength — maybe Pelosi’s energizing ice cream can give you a boost — before they decide to stand you up on some paint-spattered church steps for a show trial.
A Dangerous Turn
Conservative commentator Scott Jennings was hardly alone when he warned at the beginning of September: “America’s left wing has taken a dark and dangerous turn, now openly expressing a desire for its political opposition to be delegitimized, criminalized, intimidated, and ultimately banished.”
This is a movement far more likely to dictate to, than by tamed by, fading Biden.
Because Biden is said to be so Catholic although complicated, perhaps he still understands what a mortal sin it would be for someone of his diminished capacity even to seek to be voted in as a town’s mayor, much less the nation’s president.
Leftists in Portland cheered the death of a Trump supporter shot down on the city street as August drew toward a close. Absolutely denouncing this could lose Joe some votes.
As Republicans left the White House grounds after Trump’s speech accepting his renomination, they were jostled and crowded by young left-wing shock troops who had tried to disrupt the restricted open-air ceremony with their lung power and airhorns. Without police out on the streets, too, the mobs may have effected a harsher reception of the GOPers.
On another topic, Biden asked if he looks like a socialist when he tried to laugh off that he bought the socialist program. Well, does socialist Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez look like a socialist? Did the dapper-dressed king of abortion Bernard Nathanson, MD, look like an abortionist? Did Nathanson change his tailor when he became a pro-lifer?
Excuse-makers for Biden try to minimize his virulently pro-abortion stand by saying that he favors, say, 10 good programs, too. But this defense has limits they won’t recognize. If the Ku Klux Klan had 10 good programs to feed the hungry and house the homeless, would donating big bucks to the hoodies wash away their core platform?
If dismembering black babies is okay with Joe, and it definitely is, and selling their body parts for experiments is okay, which it is, how about, say, using them for paperweights? Grotesque? Think about it, Joe. That way they wouldn’t be “wasted.” That’s a pretty complicated Catholic question, huh?
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