By FR. KEVIN M. CUSICK
The Lord gives grace in each celebration of a sacrament. The Latin phrase, “Ex opere, operato” explains that the merit of the sacrament is not in who does it humanly speaking, but in the Lord who gives the grace through the doing of the sacrament.
For these reasons, we don’t simulate sacraments. We must mean what we are doing and, also, for sacraments that leave a mark or are for life, such as marriage, we must do them only once.
We also don’t leave others open to be misled by appearances to assume we are simulating sacraments. This means that all ambiguity and confusion about what we are doing in the sacred rites in our churches should be avoided at all costs.
This comes into play in the COVID lockdown era when couples have a small wedding ceremony with a limited number of family and friends and put off the big Mass with the gown, bridesmaids, full guest list, and reception until later. In other words, when the frills come after the reality.
This happened in a family I know well. The young couple did not want to delay reception of the sacrament of marriage, but COVID restrictions meant, if they decided to get married on their desired day, they could not have the church and reception they had planned. They moved the wedding Mass to a smaller church and invited immediate family only. They had a small celebration afterward at a parish hall. The event was livestreamed to a few invited guests.
The couple then moved the reception date to three months later and rebooked the church for a Mass to precede the reception. The second event is not a wedding, of course, because the couple are already married. But, because the event will be dressed up with all the trimmings — the dress, the wedding party, and all the special marks of nuptial celebration that are typically found where a couple exchange their vows — there is very likely going to be some confusion.
The couple cannot exchange vows again because they are already married, and have already promised each other before God to love and honor each other “until death do us part.” If they meant what they said the first time, it doesn’t make sense to do it again. This despite the fact that, in the confusion so typical of the postconciliar period, couples have often asked priests if they could “renew” their vows on wedding anniversaries.
Vows made once for life cannot technically be “renewed” because doing so is a countersign to the truth that what is for life does not need renewing.
As well, despite their best intentions, the priest and the couple might be responsible for leading others to believe they are simulating a sacrament, in particular when done so amid all the trimmings usually associated with a marriage.
For these reasons, it is particularly important to make clear to the guests present that a votive Mass for marriage is being celebrated, as opposed to the already occurred wedding Mass. Blessing of the couple in the course of such a votive is appropriate and desirable.
What direction should the homily at such a votive Mass take? Certainly the comments should touch ever so briefly on the fact that the couple are indeed married, with a word of congratulations, and a statement that such is not the purpose of the present moment. Much more important for the occasion is to look to the future and the many aspects of married love that the sacrament will call upon the couple to live.
The Lord commissions the married couple to be in their oneness a sign for all of Christ’s love for His Church. His death which brings us life eternally is an inexhaustible font from which the couple draw the courage and inspiration to live with generosity and perseverance all the aspects of their life together.
Their openness to new life in each sharing of the marital act is certainly a principal means of oneness with God and radiating His life-giving and love-giving with each other and the world. Their love which mirrors God’s is a source of holiness. Their love is holy to the extent that it shares in God’s plan that love and life are two aspects of oneness in flesh and spirit that should never be divided.
The couple should take concrete steps to build their relationship through communication without distraction even on a daily basis. Relationships with others as well as with God do not happen automatically, but take effort and should never be neglected.
Praying together in the home as well as at Sunday Mass each week makes of the family a domestic Church where the Lord is welcomed, loved, worshiped, and made ruler of the hearts and lives of all.
Enthronement of an image of the Sacred Heart and prayer of the rosary together as a family make the faith an active source of unity, reconciliation, and humble, mutual service. All of these bring peace to hearts that at times may have much to forgive each other, being sinners with the need for ongoing conversion of hearts and minds.
All look to Heaven as an inspiration and goal, with detachment from earthly realities as a daily challenge and blessing. Perhaps these words from Jennie Hartline at The Stream will help lead us to further inspiration. She writes of leaving behind a home shared by generations of one family which expresses well the progressive deepening of detachment needed for husband and wife who look to Heaven as they work, pray, and serve each other for the sake of their salvation.
“All has to go, for we take nothing with us. Nothing except the contents of our own heart, for good or evil. If we cling to anything but God, we cling to wisps of vapor that leave us falling and flailing. Nothing will last except love, and love only comes from God, for He is love. It is love that keeps safe all that we hold dear, including our family history and the random, treasured memories of everyday sacred moments. Voices, faces, fragrances, sounds, rituals, traditions, heirlooms, and mementos must all one day vanish except from the heart of Love itself. Whatever we wish to keep must be found there.
“The house will belong to a new family and begin a new story with them. Life only goes forward. All will be well as long as we go forward into Love.”
Excelsior! Onward and upward. In faith. Thank you for reading and praised be Jesus Christ, now and forever.
Join me for further conversation on Parler, the new free speech social network, @FatherKevinMCusick
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