Show Me Your Stretch Marks
By DONALD DeMARCO
There are two things we should do each morning when we rise: pray and stretch. Come to think of it, the two are really the same. Both represent a reaching beyond ourselves. Sleep nourished us. The new day bids us to reach, with God’s help, for something that requires effort. And though we may not secure the stars, it is reaching that we are asked to do. “A man’s reach should exceed his grasp,” Robert Browning advised, “or what’s a heaven for.” Our mission in life is not merely to survive but to thrive. Stretching is stepping in the direction of Heaven.
Stretching, however, has its naysayers. The cosmetic industry spends millions of dollars on producing various methods that are intended to hide or do away with “unsightly stretch marks.” Creams and lotions are not particularly effective in removing stretch marks. Then there are laser treatments, micro-needling, and hyaluronic serums. Certain treatments can cost in the range of $500 to $8,900. They require another kind of stretching: stretching the dollar.
I recall a TV talk show in which a woman told the audience that she would not carry a child to term in principle because it would leave her with these unattractive stretch marks. On another TV show, a movie star, who possessed a remarkably unlined face, revealed her secret to the world. Her agent had advised her never to laugh or smile too broadly. She enunciated her words with a minimum of facial movement, in the manner of a ventriloquist. She was willing to give up much in life in order to avoid unsightly wrinkles. She seemed only too willing to sacrifice her real self for an image of herself.
An ad depicts a model who has smooth and unblemished skin and invites its prospective consumers to “Meet the face of the future,” while asking, “Wouldn’t it be divine to have facial skin the texture of your tummy? Utterly unlined. Flawless.” We are intoxicated by images to the point that we ignore authentic living.
We wonder if there is an element of vanity in the war against wrinkles and stretch marks. At the same time, there are those who see the folly of achieving an unblemished epidermis. Many see the beauty of skin that has been marked by time and energy.
“Those stretch marks are nothing more than the fingerprints and impressions of the hands of God,” according to an anonymous critic. Another unknown author believes that “stretchmarks are the finest literature you’ll ever read.” And yet another states that “stretch marks are nature’s badge of achievement. They show that you suffered morning sickness, heartburn, back pain, and childbirth to bring a new life into the world.”
Poets have noted how age and beauty are not incompatible with each other. For John Donne, “No spring nor summer beauty hath such grace as I have seen in one autumnal face.” Wrinkles and stretch marks can symbolize a life that has been lived. According to D.H. Lawrence, “It ought to be lovely to be old and to be full of the peace that comes with experience and wrinkled ripe fulfillment.” Novelist Morris West has said that in life “one has to abandon altogether the search for security, and reach out to the risk of living with both arms. One has to embrace the world like a lover.”
Agatha Christie, who was married to an archaeologist, once said, rather facetiously, that every woman should marry an archeologist because the older you get, the more beautiful you look to him.
The wounds a soldier bears, as well as the scars that an athlete sustains, can be seen as badges of honor. We want something to show for the fact that we have lived. The image of the never-changing face of Dorian Gray is not only unrealistic, but foreboding. John Henry Cardinal Newman was canonized a saint by Pope Francis on October 13, 2019, during an open-air Mass in St. Peter’s Square. Tens of thousands of pilgrims attended the event.
St. Newman has left us with a treasury of wisdom. He gave us fair warning about embracing a life of uncompromising comfort. “A smooth and easy life,” he wrote, “an uninterrupted enjoyment of the goods of Providence, full meals, soft raiment, well-furnished homes, the pleasures of sense, the feeling of security, the consciousness of wealth — these and the like, if we are not careful, choke up all the avenues of the soul, through which the light and breath of Heaven might come to us.”
Gracious living, that places few or no demands upon us, is not a life of grace. Christ was scarred on the cross. He did not hide from His wounds. The smooth, wrinkle-free life is not the way of personal authenticity. The cosmetic industry is not our greatest ally. Beauty can be skin deep if it marks the map of a lived life.
The time will come when we stand before the judgment seat of God. The one request He will make is, “Show me your stretch marks.” He will not be interested in how faithfully you supported the cosmetic industry or the degree to which you sported an unlined countenance. He will want to see evidence of your stretching: “Did you bear a child? Or lift another’s burden? Did you expand your horizons? Or enlarge the gifts I gave you? Did you reach out to people? Or travel the extra mile? Show me the signs that you have lived. Show me the evidence that you have developed the talents I bestowed upon you and performed the duties I assigned to you? You cannot get into Heaven without stretching.”
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(Dr. Donald DeMarco is professor emeritus of St. Jerome’s University and an adjunct professor at Holy Apostles College. He is a regular columnist for St. Austin Review. His latest two books, How to Navigate Through Life and Apostles of the Culture of Life, are posted on amazon.com.)
