A Beacon Of Light . . . Sacraments Of Service To Others: The Sacrament Of Marriage

By FR. RICHARD D. BRETON JR.

(Editor’s Note: Fr. Richard D. Breton Jr. is a priest of the Diocese of Norwich, Conn. He is currently the parochial vicar of St. Andrew Parish in Colchester and St. Francis of Assisi Parish in Lebanon. He received his BA in religious studies and his MA in dogmatic theology from Holy Apostles College and Seminary in Cromwell, Conn.)

• + + There are two sacraments devoted to service. The Sacraments of Marriage and Holy Orders are ordered toward the service of others. Today we will discuss the Sacrament of Marriage.
  The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines marriage as: “The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament.”
  Marriage is a special sacrament in which a man and a woman are united to each other forever. In marriage man and wife confer the sacrament upon each other by professing wedding vows. The wedding ceremony can be performed either within Mass, or outside of Mass.
  Whichever ceremony is celebrated, both follow the same form. Within the ceremony there is a certain order needed to follow. First is the Liturgy of the Word. In the Liturgy of the Word the couple listens to the word of God to learn about the great beauty of this sacrament.
  This is followed by the homily where the priest explains and reminds them of the importance of the sacrament they are about to receive. Second, through a series of questions, the couple offers their consent to willingly enter the sacrament with mutual love and fidelity.
  Third, they profess their vows to each other. This is the most important moment, because, this is the moment the sacrament is conferred upon the couple. This is what they vow: I, (name), take you, (name), to be my wife/husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.
  Fourth is the blessing and exchange of rings. The couple offer their wedding rings, a sign of their love and fidelity, and present them to each other. The rings are a visible sign of their love to each other.
  For the Sacrament of Marriage to be valid, there are three requirements, or bona, necessary for a marriage to be a sacrament. St. Augustine discusses this in his treatise, De Bona Coniugali, On the Good of Marriage. The first is bonum sacramenti, or permanence. Marriage is forever! Marriage is a sacrament instituted by Christ. It is a lifelong commitment in which a man and a woman unite themselves totally to each other. This includes the good times and the bad, in sickness and health, in sadness and joys until death.
  The total commitment necessary in married life is under attack. Society teaches the opposite. Society says you can leave whenever you are want! When marriage gets difficult, couples do not know how to fix the difficulties. Married life includes sacrifice. Today’s society no longer teaches one to sacrifice. Sacrifice in marriage involves giving up of oneself for the other.
  The second Bona of the Sacrament of Marriage is fidelity, or the bonum fidei. The bonum fidei is the exclusivity of one man and one woman to each other. Today’s society is suspicious of commitment. Because of this suspicion, couples have difficulty making lifelong commitments. We all want to be loved by someone, and to love someone in return.
  So often in today’s marriages there is a disconnect in true and lasting love. When one of the spouses is suspicious of lasting love and is not totally committed to the other, then that spouse relegates himself or herself to total isolation and loneliness. Marriage has no part of this. Jesus reminds us that we must have “total love,” love that goes beyond the things of earthly life. “Thou shalt love thy spouse with all thy heart and shalt cleave unto them and no other.”
  Fully committed love goes beyond personal preference in married life. The Sacrament of Marriage is a sacrament of sacrifice. Both man and woman are called to this sacrificial kind of life. When I celebrate the Sacrament of Marriage, I always remind the couple that marriage is not more for one or the other. They share in this sacrament together fully giving and receiving from each other. In marriage man and woman sacrifice a lot for each other.
  Recently, I had the privilege of celebrating the seventy-fifth anniversary of a couple in my parish. In my remarks to them I asked how they have survived 75 years. Their answer was simple — through constant sacrifice and by allowing Jesus to be part of their marriage.
  The third bonum of marriage is bonum prolis, or for the good of offspring. In Baptism we receive the theological virtues of faith, hope, and love. The virtue of love is a gift from God meant to be shared. In marriage this gift of love is made manifest through the conjugal act.
  The Catechism of the Catholic Church, n. 2366, reminds us of this: “A child does not come from outside as something added on to the mutual love of the spouses, but springs from the very heart of that mutual giving, as its fruit and fulfillment.”
  Having received the gift of children, married couples then take on added responsibility. Parents are now responsible for the education of their children. They are the first teachers in the faith. By their example they contribute to the moral, spiritual, and supernatural formation of their children.
  Today the Sacrament of Marriage has many challenges. Society has stretched and mutated this sacrament and its gifts. This is evident in the high divorce rate of today. From civil unions and same-sex unions we are fighting a battle with the evil one who continually degrades the sanctity of the Sacrament of Marriage. The family is one of the institutions most affected by the crisis in our times.
  Religious and moral sentiments have practically disappeared as if torn to bits. The divorce rate is overwhelming — an estimated 50 percent of marriages fall apart. Added to this, there are illicit unions, which are common and seemingly without consequences.
  When the three bona of marriage are not present, then the marriage begins to deteriorate and eventually dies. This can be changed. We can reverse the course society has taken and return the Sacrament of Marriage to its original holiness. How do we accomplish this? We follow the example of a city that has had no divorce within living memory. (See https://www.tfp.org/the-only-divorce-free-city-in-the-world/.)
  This city is Siroki-Brijeg of Bosnia. Its (approximately) 26,000 inhabitants of Croatian origin have always defended their faith. This is what happened, for example, during the Muslim invasion centuries ago. Then, the country fell under the boot of atheistic Communism when the faith was assaulted in every possible way.
  What explains the city’s remarkable story?
  First, the population is almost 100 percent Catholic. Citizens now actively defend marriage and the monogamous family formed by the union of a man and a woman. They see marriage as a cross united to the cross of Christ. This leads spouses to face their union without romanticized expectations. There is no mutual understanding without a mutual exercise of patience!
  This Catholic view of marriage is what prevents the incidence of divorce and separations. During their married life, spouses are strengthened by praying together before the crucifix that they held together during the Sacrament of Marriage.
  In that ceremony, the priest blesses the crucifix that the bride and groom present. He places the bride’s right hand upon the crucifix, then that of the groom upon hers, and covers them with his priestly stole. The couple then makes their vows with their hands holding the crucifix. The priest says: “You have found your cross! It is a cross that you must love and take with you every day of your lives. Know how to appreciate it.” After kissing the cross, the spouses enthrone it at home in a place of honor. When the trials, misunderstandings, disagreements, and difficulties common to all marriages arise, both spouses kneel before the crucifix and ask for help from the Lord, whose yoke “is easy, and His burden, light.”
  In closing, I pray for all married couples and those seeking a holy married life. May the Lord always be part of your married life! May the daily struggles you endure be united to the cross of Christ!