Congress Cooks Up All-Purpose Declaration Of War

By CHRISTOPHER MANION

The timeless verities resound anew. War is Hell. Truth — the first casualty of war. “And ye shall hear of wars and rumors of wars” (Matt. 24:6).
In the sometime feverish efforts throughout the West to cheer the Ukrainians on, troubling rumbles have arisen demanding a more direct intervention in the conflict on the part of the United States.
Our leaders in Congress, always desirous to lead, not follow, are as confused as Biden is. Nonetheless, to be on the safe side, they have instructed their expert staffs to be prepared for any eventuality. One of the possibilities, less remote with every passing day, is rather stark: The United States may well go to war with Russia.
Congress has not constitutionally declared a war since World War II, but The Wanderer has obtained the draft of a document quietly prepared to fulfill that requirement, should the decision be brought to the floor in Congress.
“Members supporting U.S. entry into the war in Ukraine have a lot of conflicting reasons,” our Capitol Hill source tells us, “so our draft includes them all, even though they’re kind of contradictory. We’ll probably smooth it out some before the vote, though.”
The draft text follows:
One Hundred Seventeenth Congress of the United States of America, at the First Session Begun and held at the City of Washington on Monday, the third day of January, two thousand and twenty-two,
JOINT RESOLUTION Declaring That a State of War Exists Between The Government of Russia and The Government and the People of the United States and Making Provisions To Prosecute The Same
Whereas, long before the Russian invasion of Ukraine the U.S. President’s policies had caused massive debt, unprecedented inflation, feeble economic growth, high interest rates, uncontrolled immigration, and wasteful federal spending, and
Whereas, in early February Americans suddenly realized that the avalanche of Democrat mandates, penalties, firings, destructions of businesses, jobs, students’ education, parents’ First Amendment rights at school board meetings, religious services, and community were illegal and repugnant to American values, and began to gather under their First Amendment right to assembly, and
Whereas, millions of Americans began publicly to express their profound displeasure with the President, a development which mortally endangered the prospects of the Democrat Party in November 2022, and
Whereas, the President’s shutdown of America’s energy independence has caused domestic oil and gas prices to double, and
Whereas, Biden’s Energy Secretary Granholm insists that high gas prices will continue with or without a war because “We’re working through an energy transition…The reality is, we have to take some time to get off of oil and gas, we recognize this,” and
Whereas, Secretary Granholm’s statement implies that the blame for the steep rise in energy prices rests with the Biden Administration and Democrats, who are desperate to blame somebody else, and
Whereas, when on March 8 a reporter in Texas asked him about gas prices the President replied, “They’re going to go up. Russia is responsible,” and
Whereas, Saudi and the United Arab Emirates declined calls from Biden during the Ukraine crisis and signaled that they won’t help ease surging oil prices unless Washington supports them in Yemen, because President Biden sold out to the Iranian mullahs, and
Whereas, the President has tried to cozy up to the President of Communist Venezuela for help in the energy crisis but that country doesn’t have sufficient oil supplies, and
Whereas, President Biden assured voters in 2020 that “I guarantee you, I guarantee you we are going to end fossil fuel,” and
Whereas, since senior Republicans have endorsed assassinating the Russian President, which would be an act of war anyway, and
Whereas, keeping the U.S. out of the Ukraine conflict will only focus voters on the President’s domestic disasters and invite a blowout GOP victory in November, and
Whereas, While Presidents Wilson and Roosevelt promised to keep Americans out of European wars in 1916 and 1940, respectively, the U.S. went to war in both 1917 and 1941 and our country experienced a new solidarity and esprit, proving that war can play a useful domestic political role, and
Whereas, Russian President Putin has been condemned by several NATO members for his opposition to gender equity in the Russian Armed Forces and his criticism of transsexuals and homosexuals as degenerates, and
Whereas, the U.S. military has been strengthened by the Pentagon’s focus on witch hunts to identify and expose critics of the Biden Administration, gender-unfriendly personnel, and other terrorists, so we think we have a good chance of winning, and
Whereas, the Administration has sent Vice President Harris to Poland to explain the intricacies of U.S. strategy and tactics and to calm the fears of our anxious NATO allies regarding U.S. mastery of the situation on the ground, and
Whereas, Ukraine was the source of the most generous donations to the Clinton Foundation, and we should be grateful, and
Whereas, Americans were outraged to discover the Biden Administration’s alliance with Mexican criminal drug-sex-and-illegal Coyote cartels and their U.S. domestic federal-funded business partners in secular Non-Governmental Agencies run by various religious denominations, and
Whereas, many Americans have demanded that the Biden Administration “defend the border,” and the Biden Administration has identified Ukraine’s border with Russia as the nearest border worth defending, and
Whereas, the news avalanche regarding Russia’s invasion of Ukraine has virtually debilitated the Republican Party and turned its members on one another, inviting a GOP collapse in the November elections, and
Whereas, a negotiated settlement between Ukraine and Russia is not in the best interest of key members of the international community or the Military-Industrial-Tech-Consultant-Contractor Complex in the United States, and,
Whereas, we haven’t done very well at winning our wars in distant lands like Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, and sundry other time zones but this one is lots different and we’re willing to give it the good old college try, and
Whereas, Ukrainian President Zelenskyy has blamed Ukrainian deaths on the decision of NATO (and thus the United States) to refuse his request to establish a “no fly zone” over Ukraine, and
Whereas, establishing a “no fly zone” over Ukraine would lead to war between Russia and the United States, and
Whereas, NATO and U.S. officials have reiterated NATO’s defensive nature that precludes such hostile active measures, but
Whereas, Vladimir Putin is evil personified, while President Zelenskyy is universally hailed as a hero, and
Whereas, the Government of Russia has not formally declared war against the Government and the people of the United States of America but we need this war pretty badly or Democrats are going to go down the tubes in November,
Therefore be It Resolved by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled, That the state of war between the United States and the Government of Russia which we now hereby thrust upon the United States is hereby formally declared; and the President is hereby authorized and directed to employ the entire naval and military forces of the United States and the resources of the Government to carry on war against the Government of Russia; and, to bring the conflict to a successful termination, all of the resources of the country are hereby pledged by the Congress of the United States.
(Signed) Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House of Representatives
(Signed) Kamala Harris, Vice President of the United States and President of the Senate
Approved [date TBD], 2022, 3:05 PM E.S.T.
(Signed) Joseph Biden

• + + There you have it, direct from the fog of war.
  In other words, whatever works.
  Get ready. The Russians are coming.